CRAZY FAT NEWS_LOCAL_CHILDREN_Issue 01*16 Sept 18, 2013
LIFE’S BETTER WITH A FRIEND, IS IT NOT?
By Alicia Prescott
Not getting discouraged by the difficult task of finding someone to befriend (after having been repeatedly cast out from group games by his peers who peg him as “The Weirdo Eggroll”), young local boy Julian Monahan proudly announced to sources this morning that after years and years of loneliness and unsocial life, he’s finally found a loving and generous buddy with whom to spend some quality time.
“The first time Jerry and I met each other, we immediately clicked, you know. It was so natural; you could tell we had definitely something in common, which I cannot say the same about all the scumbags who always pick on me because I like eggrolls and they don’t,” said the boy who, up until now, had been a total reject from his schoolmates’ circle of friends. “I know I can always count on Jim. And when he looks at me, I know he’s not judging me because we’re so much alike. I don’t know, I just feel lucky that our paths did cross.”
“He’s the BFF I’ve been always wanting to have” added the eggroll-loving boy who, for the first time in his life, was having some kind of social rapport with another living being.
Reports indicated that upon their first chance encounter in a sushi restaurant, the emotion of joy which coursed through Julian was so strong that, he took Jim in his hands and gave him a moving embrace, nearly causing the red aquatic specimen to lose all of his breath.
Sources also confirmed that to bridge the distance that separates him from his fish-looking pal, the ten-year-old, whom the whole neighborhood has come to describe as ‘kind of a weird kid’, reportedly set up a hidden wi-fi camera to virtually remain in touch 24/7 and maintain constant line of communication so that neither misses a single day in each other’s life.
“It’s really hard to be apart since I only get to see Jim every now and then when the family eats out in the sushi restaurant where he stays,” explained Julian, turning his computer on and smiling at the image of a scaly creature in a bowl filling the screen. “But at least, I can still have a cool face time with him whenever I want, which is great. You really have to thank the internet for making this kind of relationship work, you know.”
At press time, Julian was reportedly getting ready to pull a nighter (on a school night) to read to his friend a series of stories about some fish sprouting in the lake Yamanaka.
More news from the WALLABY POST:
FOR CHRISSAKE, WE DON’T WANT ANY PART OF PEOPLE’S SICK ORAL GAME
MAYBE IT’S TIME TO GO, YOU KNOW, SUPERNOVA
BE ADVISED: MY PEOPLE WILL RISE TO POWER PRETTY SOON…
LOOK: EITHER YOU FEED ME THE GOOD STUFF OR I’LL FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL